May 8th was my Day of Infamy.

As a history teacher, I teach my students that revolution means change.  My students usually associate revolutions with war and fighting.  Given what they have learned about and experienced in their lives, their understanding of the word makes sense.  While I thought my human revolution started a while back, it really didn’t start until last year.  2013 signifies the start of my true human revolution, but my revolution has not come without hard fought battles along the way.  Battles I would not have been able to win or overcome without the support of my friends and family.  I’ve known my person for three years, but it was during this past year that he has become such an integral part of my life and one of the catalysts for my human revolution.  I am truly blessed and thankful that he is my friend and person. They say timing is everything, and his timing was impeccable. 

            I thought my revolution started in 2009 when I had lap-band surgery.  I had been overweight for most of my life, tried all kinds of crash diets and failed at all of them, so the lap-band surgery seemed like a good option.  I had to receive medical clearance in order to have the surgery, so one of the many requirements was that I meet with a psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist was supposed to determine whether or not I was mentally sound and able to cope with the mental challenges of the surgery and post-surgery life.  I thought it was odd because I knew why I wanted the surgery and that I wasn’t crazy, but if that was the rule, then so be it.  I don’t remember what the psychiatrist asked me that day or what the conversation entailed, but the one thing I’ve always remembered telling her was that I didn’t have a good relationship with my parents because I was considered the bad, ungrateful, and inconsiderate daughter and resented my sister for being the favored child.  Therein, laid the reason for my broken spirit, but I didn’t understand that then.  I didn’t understand the enormity of that admission back then, nor did I understand the impact that it has had on my life until recently.

            The surgery wasn’t the magic bullet that I had hoped for, but it did help to push me to make some changes in my life.  I was focused on my physical appearance and thought all my problems would be solved if I were skinny, so I hired a personal trainer and devoted my life to taking zumba classes and working out at the gym.  It was my trainer that started digging into my psyche, and once again brought up my feelings about the relationship I had with my parents.  She told me I wouldn’t meet my weight loss goal, unless I found a way to resolve my issues with my parents.  My trainer told me I needed to let go of the hurt little girl I inside of me.  While I did try to resolve my issues with my parents, it just became easier to distance myself from them.  I just focused on making myself healthier and happier.  Working with my trainer did make me healthier and happier, and it also brought many new friends into my life.  Again, timing is everything.

            The pessimistic part of me would say that all good things must come to an end.  To say that 2013 had been a horrible year for me is a bit of an understatement.  The year started off with one of my closest friends being hospitalized quite a few times over the course of 3 months, and running back and forth to the hospital because I didn’t want her to be alone.  I was also extremely unhappy with my work environment and was trying to find ways to just pass the days.  I still would not even characterize the first few months as horrible.  Those days were just quietly becoming the norm and what was expected, but nothing I would say was horrible. 

The horrible came full force on Wednesday, May 8, 2013.  I remember that day as if it happened yesterday.  I was driving my friend to an appointment and we were going to meet up with my person after.  On the corner of Grove and Cyprus, I struck on elderly woman with my car.  I was horrified and paralyzed by what I did.  I was in complete shock and couldn’t bring myself to look at or check on the elderly woman.  My friend handled the situation while I just sat in the car crying, frozen in place, waiting for the police to come.  EMT was immediately on the scene. The police and my friend kept saying it wasn’t my fault, being that she walked out in front of my car when I had a green light, but it didn’t matter.  I saw the woman’s blood on the floor, and had already tried and found myself guilty.  Everyone on the scene kept trying to reassure me that the woman was going to be fine, but it didn’t make me feel any better because I knew I had hurt someone.  It didn’t matter that it was unintentional or who was at fault.

I didn’t sleep that night or for many nights thereafter. After this accident, I didn’t want to drive anymore and found it extremely difficult to return to the normal day to day driving routine. At times, I pleaded with my person to drive my car because I was just too scared to do so.  I was ashamed of myself. I didn’t tell my parents, family, or friends about what happened. The only people that knew were my friend, who was there when it happened, and my person, who I called and met up with later that day.  I asked them not to tell anyone about the accident. They were my support system, my person more so because I didn’t want to cause my friend any undue stress because she was recovering from her hospitalization and was feeling guilty, being I was driving her to an appointment.  It wasn’t her fault.  I was the driver.  

A week later, I got into another car accident.  It was a fender bender where the other car hit me from behind.  This accident had me questioning whether or not everything that happened was my karma.  I asked my person that very question, and he said I needed to let go of the guilt from the first accident because I was sending negative energy out into the universe and that was what was coming back at me.  He really tried to convince me to release my guilt, so the negative energy would go away.  I was trying to release my guilt and thought things were starting to get better, but I was still nervous about my parents and family finding out about the first accident.

The following week, I locked myself out of the house.  Just a bit of bad luck, one would say.  I told my person about it, and he asked what happened that I forgot my keys.  I explained to him that my mother had told me the insurance company had called about the car accident on May 8^th.  My mother asked what the insurance company was talking about, given the fender bender was on May 17^th.  My stomach just sunk, and I tried to cover it up by saying she misheard the message.  I was so scared that she had found out, I panicked, forgot my keys and locked myself out.  My person asked why I still hadn’t told my parents about the May 8^th accident.  I told him I didn’t want my parents to be disappointed in me because, once again, I didn’t live up to their expectations and I knew that my parents would say the accident was my fault because I am careless, reckless and irresponsible.  I didn’t want to see the disappointment in their eyes or hear it in their voices.  My person proceeded to scold me for even saying that, but that was how I felt. He told me that I was a good person and needed to believe in myself.  He also said when I started believing in myself, my universe would work to right itself.

The next day, May 24^th, I got into another car accident.  I was driving home with my friend when the driver of the other car blew past his stop sign and I hit him.  The impact trapped the other driver in his car, and made my car inoperable.  I was in hell.  Why was this happening to me again?  My friend kept telling me it wasn’t my fault and told me to remain calm, but she had no idea what was running through my mind.  She didn’t know about the previous accident, so didn’t understand why I was having a meltdown in front of her.  She happened to be on the phone with my person when the accident happened and hung up with him when the accident occurred. I called him and before I could say anything, he told me not to even think it.  He tried to calm me down, so I could deal with the situation at hand, but I just couldn’t deal any more.  I refused medical treatment, and really shouldn’t have. But I just wanted to go home, crawl into bed, and wake up, hoping the last few weeks had been a nightmare.  Being my car was inoperable, I steeled myself to call my parents to pick me up, and so the tirade began.  My parents didn’t bother to ask if I was okay.  It was just about the car.  I absolutely dreaded seeing my parents that night because I knew they were so disappointed in me.  I heard every single bit of the disappointment on the way home that night and in my mother’s silence in the upcoming days.  My friends told me to explain and defend myself to my parents, but I had no fight left in me.  I was so drained.  I didn’t want to think or do anything anymore.  I just wanted to sleep forever.

My person was my rock during that seemingly endless night and for the days and nights that came after.  He tried to comfort me and, once again, explained that the universe was not working for me because of the negative energy I was releasing.  He told me I needed to learn how to turn all of these bad experiences into positive energy, so I could better myself.  I needed to focus on the positives in all of those experiences.  I thought he was crazy.  What good things could there possibly be in those horrible accidents?  He said I was meant to teach a lesson to the people that were involved in the accident.  It was just really bad that the lesson was delivered in such a terrible way.  I still could not accept his reasoning.  My heart and mind were bursting with guilt, and I mentally tortured myself for it. 

I asked my person how he was able to be so positive when I couldn’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I wanted to be positive like him.  He said he knew of a way to help me, but I wasn’t ready for it yet.  I was floored.  Ready for what?  Why wouldn’t I be ready?  He bestowed a bit of tough love on me.  He told me I needed to stop playing the victim, throwing myself a pity party, and blaming others for all the bad things that were happening to me.  I needed to take responsibility for my actions, feelings and thoughts.  I made the decision to be complacent and let my parents and others walk all over me. I had to make the decision not to allow that anymore.  I had to make the decision to fight for myself and what I believe in.  I had to turn that negativity around, and make it work for me, so I could be happy and get what I wanted out of life.  I couldn’t keep living my life for others, and not myself.  I couldn’t move forward unless I was ready to stop playing the victim.  And, therein, laid my catalyst for my human revolution.

May faded into June, and I was on the move and ready for a break.  I had the opportunity to travel to Istanbul for a few weeks over the summer.  My person told me to use the time away to have fun, reflect and make some changes to my life.  I took his advice, and came back a changed woman.  I am not sure what clicked with me, but something did.  I came back ready to fight for my self and my happiness.  I was ready for the next step.

Before I left for Istanbul, my person had asked me if I would be interested in attending a meeting at a cultural center.  He said he wanted me to hear about other people’s experiences, how they were able to overcome their obstacles, and find their happiness.  I said it would be willing to go, but wasn’t interested if it was a pitch for an organized religion.  I’m not an atheist, but having studied the power and impact of religion on society, I was hesitant to embrace any organized religion.  We attended a Sunday introductory meeting.  
At first, I was taken aback by the chanting.  I thought it was weird, especially, since I had no idea what was being said.  He explained what “nam myoho renge kyo” meant and what the purpose of chanting was, so I took the red flag down a bit.  After a while, the chanting became very soothing, due to the rhythm.  He told me I could chant if wanted to, but I didn’t feel comfortable because everyone was going so fast and I couldn’t figure out how to pronounce the words.  After the chanting was finished, I listened to some people share their experiences, questions and responses.  It was really engaging, and I drew many parallels to my own life from the meeting.  My person asked what I thought about the meeting, I told him I had a better understanding of what he was trying to teach me about my own life, and understood why he had such a positive outlook on life.  My person asked me if I wanted to try chanting.  I told him I would like to try chanting in the privacy of my own home, but he needed to send me a recording of him chanting, so I could practice on my own.  I’m a creature of habit and very detail-oriented, so I needed to learn how to do it and then perfect it, before I could chant in public.  I can be very trying, so I am thankful my he puts up with my quirky proclivities and nuances.

A few weeks later, I attended a study meeting. It was that evening that I decided to obtain my gohonzon.  I was chanting on my own and was feeling better, so I thought I would just go all in.  I was also going back to work soon, so obtaining my gohonzon would make it easier for me to practice at home, being it would be difficult for me to make it to the cultural center or meetings on a consistent basis.

I received my gohonzon on August 16, 2013.  While I was stressed over the enshrinement, I felt a sense of calm come over me after the gohonzon was enshrined in my home.  Some very gracious members took the time to explain the enshrinement and the daily practice to me, and I was off and running.  The next morning, after I completed the morning practice, I felt absolutely exhilarated!  I hadn’t felt that way in such a long time.  A boost of energy, excitement, and happiness all rolled into one!  I started a new job and really loved it!

I was really consistent with the morning and evening practices for the first few weeks, and was really feeling wonderful about life.  When I started back at work, it became difficult to maintain the consistency because I was always rushing in the morning and didn’t have time for my morning practice.  Then, I became too tired for my evening practice.  It only takes about 20 minutes, yet it was hard to manage 20 minutes twice a day.  I found my stress levels increasing because of work and the car accidents.  I was getting frustrated with my students’ performance in class and found myself boiling over more often than not.  I had suffered a concussion from the last car accident, and was experiencing chronic headaches.  The elderly woman, from the first car accident, brought a lawsuit against me, and my parents found out about the accident.  I finally had to face the music and was told by my mother that I was a failure at life.  All the negativity coming back into my life, made me push myself to be more consistent with my practice. When I did my morning practice, the day went better for me.  The days where I didn’t get my morning practice in were really rough days where I became really stressed out and let the negative energy creep in. 

I have really tried to maintain that consistency and I’ve noticed a world of difference.  I have been more effective at work and know I do my job well. While there is still a bit of frustration that comes with being a teacher, I really do love my job and have been offered the opportunity to possibly take a promotion next year.  I am in the process of seeking treatment for my headaches, but I also find the pain lessens after I have completed my practice – the calming factor.  My lawsuit is being handled accordingly. While I am still concerned about the outcome, it has been way less paralyzing then when I initially received the legal papers. 
As for me being a failure at life, I know I’m not a failure at life. I confronted my mother about it a week later.  She didn’t remember saying that, but said she probably said it in the heat of the moment because she was angry at me for not telling her about the accident, and was worried about the effect the accident and lawsuit had have on me.  It was huge for my mother to say that to me because she is the quintessential tiger mother.  The practice allowed me to open the lines of communication with my mother, thereby, taking the first step to healing my broken spirit.  My parents and I have definitely had our moments, but they have become some of my biggest supporters.  It's taken a lot of tears and talking, sometimes yelling, to get to this point, but it was well worth it.  We still have to work on our relationship a bit more, but the foundation is laid, and I know that I am loved.  

I was waiting for 2013 to give way to 2014, so that the new year would shower me with positive energy and good fortune.  I was waiting for 2013 to fade into a distant memory and hopefully, be forgotten.  But as I am living in 2014, I can now say I do not want 2013 to be forgotten.  I learned a lot about myself in 2013.  While it was the worst of times, it was the best of times because I wouldn't be the person I am today without going through hell and climbing out of it.  I am a stronger and more determined person.  I am so far from being perfect, but I am more comfortable in my own skin and know that I have found my peace and on my way to finding my true happiness.  Life isn't perfect, but sometimes it's not supposed to be.  Life will throw obstacles in my way, so I can learn and grow from them to become a better person, a better version of me.

My person posted a quote the other day, and I knew it would be the perfect quote for my blogpost.  

"Many things happen in life. There are joyous days and times of suffering. Sometimes unpleasant things occur. But that's what makes life so interesting. The dramas we encounter are part and parcel of being human. If we experienced no change or drama in our lives, if nothing unexpected ever happened, we would merely be like automatons, our lives unbearably monotonous and dull. Therefore, please develop a strong self so that you can enact the drama of your life with confidence and poise in the face of whatever vicissitudes you may encounter." -- Daisaku Ikeda

I am determined to keep developing my strong self.  May 8, 2013 was my day of infamy, but, more importantly, it marked the beginning of my human revolution, and that was my silver lining.  I survived and became a better person because of it, so it will no longer haunt or instill shame in me.  It has become a part of my strength.  Happy Anniversary to my Human Revolution!

Refresh . . .

Wow!  It's been so long since I've updated this blog!  But today seems as good a day as any to start blogging again.  I am not going to lie.  I am really not good at blogging, nor do I particularly enjoy writing.  I am not going to post too often either.  I think that is why this blog died out quite a few years ago.  It became a chore and one more thing to do.  This time around this blog is about me reflecting on me and my life.  

This past week has been a difficult week for my loved ones and friends.  They were going through so much and I really couldn't do anything to fix things for them.  All I could was listen, support, comfort and just be there for them.  It doesn't seem like much, but yet it means a great deal because it was much needed and provided hope life would get better, despite the shadows that were looming above.  

The impetus to refresh this blog came from spending time with my best friend today.  There is no one who knows and understands me better then her.  We have known each other since the 5th grade.  She is my sister for life.  While we rarely get to speak to or see each other, we know that we are always there for each.  When we do get time with each other, the gap hasn't caused any rift.  We haven't skipped a beat.  We pick up right where we left off, and we do not begrudge each other for being caught up in our lives.  There is no truer friendship than one like this.

My best friend is my role model.  She has been through so much and continues to fight and push through her obstacles because she has to make her life work, work for her and for her family.  She is one of the strongest people I know.  She is a daughter, sister, wife, mother and a fighter.  This week her husband suffered a seizure and the doctor's discovered a tumor putting pressure on his brain.  The fear of losing her husband and father of her children set in, but she fought through to keep calm and maintain control.  She was strong for her husband, kids and family.  She was putting an enormous amount of pressure on herself to be the strong person for everyone.  She needed to just let it all out, and so did I.

She shared her fears and concerns about the future and her struggles over the past year.  One person should not carry such a burden and I was more than happy to be her shoulder to cry on.  We are so similar in many ways, I understood what she was going through.  We are both "bottlers."  We like to bottle things up and keep things to ourselves, so we don't burden the ones we love and protect ourselves from criticism or judgment.  We are also "bottlers" because we are control freaks, and make ourselves crazy when things are beyond our control.  It was a hard lesson to learn for the both of us.  I am so grateful to have the support system I have with my friends and family.  While it is still difficult for me to share my feelings and thoughts, I am getting better at it.  While we were sitting in the hospital today, a light bulb went off for the both of us.  A true friend and loved one wants you to express yourself because they want to lighten the load for you, fight your battles with you, and show you how much they love you.  It is awesome to know you are not alone in the world.  You have a PERSON if not PEOPLE to be there for you no matter what.  Isn't that what life is about?  Sharing.  Sharing happiness, joy, love and prosperity, as well as, struggles, times of weakness, fears, and tears.  One cannot understand true happiness, unless one understands that trials that had to be overcome to achieve true happiness.

Despite all of her challenges, my best friend is blessed.  She has a husband who loves her and whom she loves just as much.  She has two beautiful children.  She has a supportive family, who may drive her crazy, but will be there for her.  She has friends who love, support and care about her and her family.  She also has ME, but I am just as blessed to have HER in my life.  She and her family have a rough road ahead, but she knows there will be hands that will be extended to her to offer support.  There will be people who will pick her up if she falls.  She is a fighter and will get through this with flying colors!  

Hope is a powerful thing, but believing in yourself is the ultimate power.  Life is too short not to believe in yourself or to take control of your life and make it what you want.  It will require a great deal of work and you will have to earn every second of it, but it will be worth it.  There will be struggles and obstacles along the way, times where you want to quit and give up, but that is where you have to dig in and give it all you have.  It is also those struggles and obstacles that help you to understand what is true happiness and appreciate it.  I will be the first person to say 2013 was a horrible year for me, but as bad as it was, I wouldn't change it.  2013 made me the person I am today.  It's been a difficult road to travel, but once I shared my thoughts and feelings with my people, the road has been a little bit smoother.  I am a lot stronger than I thought.  Life is about appreciating the good moments and learning from the bad moments, so you can become who you are meant to be and count your blessings.  

Gung Hay Fat Choy - Happy New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year that is! According to the Chinese Lunar Calendar, it is 4706 this year. Totally blows the mind that Chinese civilization is over 4700 years old. I am a rabbit, so not my year yet. It is nice to be able to get a second chance at a new year. I am going to make my new resolutions again:

1. To lose weight.
2. To adopt a healthier lifestyle.
3. To not over extend myself at work.
4. To spend less.

I know talk is cheap, but I am really going to try harder. I am also inspired because I paid off another credit card debt - totally awesome. I didn't think I would be able to pull it off. Slowly, but surely I am taking control of my finances and managing a bit better.

My writing diet is really helping my inner soul, but I haven't seen the weight come off yet. I am trying to exercise more and will be checking out a local gym tomorrow. I had to give up yoga because my schedule just sucks and the traffic to get to the yoga spa sucks. I am trying to find a closer yoga class, but it is really super expensive at the one closest to me, so I am going to keep looking. I love yoga and recommend that everyone try Bikram Yoga (hot yoga). It is super hot, but it feels great! Yoga is good for calming the soul as well. Absolutely loved it! Just can't seem to make it work with the schedule. I hate the fact the studio is kind of small and when I get to class, there are no spaces left and I feel crunched in. So not the ideal workout space for me. I really want to take swimming lessons, but haven't been able to find a facility that offers reasonably priced and convenient schedules for lessons. I know I keep complaining and making excuses, so I am going to check out a local gym tomorrow - end of story. I have started roller skating, even though the weather hasn't been too cooperative lately. I want to skate some more, but the sidewalk and streets aren't ideal for skating. I am going to try skating at the park. Wish me luck, so I don't crash and break all my bones ;-)

My calorie counting has been going well though. I find that I am definitely more conscious of what I eat because I have to record it in my food log, so I feel guilty eating something I shouldn't. Although, yesterday I cheated alot ={ It was New Year's Eve dinner, an extremely important dinner, so I kind of went a little overboard, but I didn't really eat all day because I knew I was going to really eat at dinner. I clocked a total of 280 calories before I ate dinner, so I didn't do too bad overal. I made it a point to stay away from most of the carbs and limited myself to a scoop of fried rice. Oh, the temptation! The New Year is all about fresh starts, and I am going to take one!

I am going to turn in. It has been a long week. Enjoy your weekend! Happy New Year! May the New Year bring you Happiness, Health and Prosperity!

Time Flies!

I know I am a bad blogger. Friends and family have sent their love and support because of my blog, and I haven't blogged in over a week. Sorry about that. I have been super busy with work. The week I started my blog was Regents (NYS exams), and I was in charge of coordinating the schedule for the test, executing the schedule and grading the Global History exams, so I had to put in really long hours - 13 hour days to be exact, so my overtime is going to be monstrous. After the calm of the exams, I had to meet the Fund for Teachers deadline this past Thursday. Funds for Teachers provides grant me to teachers who are interested in doing some professional development of their own design, so I submitted a proposal to do a study tour of the Silk Road this summer. The proposal took me forever, not to mention I had social engagements with my friends this week, so that cut into my proposal time. Cross your fingers, I really hope I get funding for my proposal :P

My friends, my sister and I went to see Young Frankenstein on Broadway this week. I bought the tickets as a Christmas present for them and we went together. It was really alot of fun! Cris, Vanessa and I went for dinner at Churrascuria Plataforma, a Brazilian Rodizio. It was too much food, but we had fun! Cris was really sweet and paid for dinner, and then off to the show. I am not really a big Mel Brooks fan, nor have I ever seen the movie, but it was cute. I liked it better than The Producers and Spamalot. The actor who played Young Frankenstein was the guy who played George the pharmacist on Desperate Houswives. Megan Mulhally was also in it - she was so funny! All in all it was a fun evening for everyone!

I am excited about this week because this will be my first attempt at teaching a drama class. Me teaching drama, who would have thought =P It is going to be so much fun, I hope so anyway. I signed up to bring the Stage Doors program into my school. Stage Doors provides free Broadway theatre tickets to our students and sends in a teaching artist to teach some of the drama classes. I am really excited because it is the 11th and 12th graders, and the program will go better because they are more proficient with their English speaking skills and they are excited about having a drama class. Half the battle is engaging the kids, so it is great that they are so excited about the class! We will be seeing "Passing Strange" this term - all about sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, what more could a teenager want! This program was a huge success the first term, with the "Color Purple," so hopefullly, our second term will be a bigger success. Our teaching artist, JoAnna is great with the kids and she is coming back to work with us too, so it is going to be really fun!

As a prep for teaching my drama class this term, Stage Doors required that we see the movie "The Great Debaters." OMG, what an awesome movie! If you haven't seen the movie yet, get off your butt and go see it. The movie is produced by Oprah and stars Oscar winners Denzel Washington (so sweet on the eyes) and Forest Whitaker. It is so good! I won't give you too much information, but it is about a debate team at a small Black, Texas college in the 1930s. The team goes through many trials and tribulations to become a winning debate team, and be able to compete against some white colleges, the finale being Harvard. The movie is so inspirational and moving, everyone should definitely go see it! If it is still playing, I will be taking me drama class to see it. It has so many great life lessons to share with everyone. My new motto for my classroom comes from this movie - "Do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do." I had my students reflect on that quote as an assignment, and it went over really well, so hopefully, it will motivate them to finish the year strong.

Shout out to Gayle for being so supportive of me! Love you, Gayle! Thank you so much for your support!

Enjoy!

Are you True Blue?

Are you True Blue? I am totally true blue - a true blue New York Rangers fan! Tonight was a very special night for Rangers fans around the world! The Great Brian Leetch, the Rangers best defenseman ever, had his #2 retired and his jersey lifted up to the Garden rafters to hang beside Mark Messier #11 (I love him!), Mike Richter #35, Rod Gilbert #7 and Eddie Giacommin #1!!!!! Even though I couldn't be there (darn tickets were sold out), I could feel the electricity sizzling at MSG through the TV. The ceremony was quite touching - Brian dedicated the ceremony to his best friend, a broker at Cantor Fitzgerald, who died on 9/11. The NY Rangers organization and Garden Faithful honored him and presented him with a custom-made Harley Davidson, so beautiful and shiny new ;) I soooooooooo wish I was there - boo hoo. I am such a die-hard fan that I love to see my favorite Rangers players, especially Mark Messier and Adam Graves. OOOOOOOOh, speaking of Adam Graves - his #9 will be retired next year! I am so going to have to get tickets as soon as they go on sale because I HAVE to be there. I missed Messier and Leetch, I am not going to miss "Gravy"! He is such a sweetheart and his retirement is well deserved. I remember meeting Gravy at a charity signing. He had organized an autograph signing to raise money for a terminally ill child on Long Island. I went to the hotel where the event was supposed to take place, and ended up waiting until 2:30 in the morning to meet him. The team's flight was delayed and rather than cancelling, he came late that night and stayed until the wee morning hours to sign everyone's items. When my turn came, he just kept apologizing profusely and was so sweet! I even got to take a picture with him - so cool!!! His retirement is well deserved because he is not only a great player, but a great guy! The cherry on top of this awesome night was the Rangers pulling out a win in a shootout 2-1! Brendan Shanahan scored the only goal in the shootout. Go Shanny! As the excitement starts to fade, I am starting to fade into exhaustion - from work and for overworking myself watching the game.

Before I turn in, I wanted to thank everyone for your awesome comments! Thanks for all your support and love! I hope I didn't bore you to death! Hugs and Kisses!

Welcome to Joie de Vivre!

Hi, everyone! I am so excited to be launching my new blog! Welcome to Joie de Vivre! Thank you so much for joining me on this unique journey of reflection and inspiration. Joie de Vivre is inspired by love of Paris, the City of Love ;) and my desire to create a healthier lifestyle for myself. I have been toying with the idea of starting a blog for a while. I have been stalking a few blogs and found it quite interesting to be so engaged and inspired by other people's lives, no matter how ordinary or extraordinary their happenings may be. I tend to stalk scrapbooking blogs, so I can learn new techniques and look at some of the beautiful work these talented scrappers were creating - such awesome stuff :) I have kind of run into a scrapper's block and haven't had the creative juices flowing in a while. I thought starting a blog would help jump start my creative flow again. I also wanted to work on my journaling. Journaling is my weak point in my scrapbooking and in life. I want to be more creative and descriptive with my writing, so I thought the blog would be perfect to help me improve my writing. I can practice my writing on a daily basis (hopefully) and apply my new and improved skills to my scrapbooking.

I am also using this blog as a way to change my life. I have been trying to lose weight for many years, and have found it extremely difficult to maintain the weight loss. I have tried every diet under the sun without success, and am hoping my latest attempt will be my most successful and sustainable. Another inspiration for my blog was Julia Cameron's book, The Writing Diet. Julia is a writing teacher, that teaches writing techniques that help to unblock your creativity. She believes all people are creative, but life keeps getting in the way of that creativity. She teaches that writing can keep life in check and restore one's creativity. Writing can be a way for you to vent, so all your emotions are not bottled up (very therapeutic) and positive energy can keep flowing, or it can be a positive form of creative expression - maybe you are a closet poet. I know I sound like I am preaching and trying to sell a product, but I am not. I will be the first to tell you, I absolutely HATE, HATE, HATE any form of writing! I hate it! But I have been doing this Writing Diet for two weeks, and my creativity has been recharged! I want to scrapbook now, and have completed a really cool mini-album, which I will post at a later date. So what is the diet? Interesting . . . She says you can write the pounds off. She says that many of her students, who started her workshops a little on the heavy side, shed pounds throughout the course of the workshop. Writing helped them to control and cope with their lives, so that they didn't turn to food as a coping mechanism. It sounds logical because most people are emotional eaters, which is why the weight keeps piling on. The whole premise is to grab your journal and write about your life or eating habits, so you will forget about the food and not eat, eat, eat. She also has you keep a food journal, so you can examine your eating habits. Like I said, it makes sense, but will it work? I don't know yet. It has only been two weeks. I have been doing a lot better with my eating habits because of my writing. I am accountable to my writing and feel so guilty when I have to write down food that I know I shouldn't be eating. I also feel like I am in better control of my eating with the journal. No weight loss yet, but will keep trying. With a new exercise regiment, and my journal in hand, I am going to make my Writing Diet work. Writing in my journal everyday, has really unblocked my creativity and has paved the way for a healthier me. I hope blogging will be able to provide added support throughout my weight loss journey. This blog is an extension of my writing and journaling, and just me! Boring old me! I wonder who is actually reading this ;)

Thank you for taking the time to read through my ramblings! If you have a second, please leave me a comment and let me know what you think about my blog or ramblings.